Adult children of alcoholics


I'm the adult child of an alcoholic.

I posted about this on LinkedIn this morning, because something interesting is happening on that platform which I find a little worrying and bizarre.

It seems everyone is a coach now - everyone can coach you out of burnout, to be more confident, to stop being a perfectionist, etc, etc. I'm seeing it a lot, and I'm kind of confounded by it.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, this is what I've had to work through:

Fear

Anxiety

Abandonment issues

Compulsive perfectionism

Self-hatred

People-pleasing

Need for control

Approval-seeking

Self-judgement

You know who I'm NOT going to for help with all of this? Someone who's been a confidence coach for five minutes and who spends all their time on LinkedIn. Nope.

I'm going to a trained, highly-regarded psychologist, my good people. For therapy. And perhaps an anti-depressant thrown in for good measure.

What does this have to do with business?

The people I see in my world who are doing the BEST work of their lives - making money, bringing in clients, landing speaking gigs, getting paid to speak...they're not hanging out on LinkedIn. They hardly ever post there.

They're WORKING.

One is a thought leadership coach, one is a copywriter, one is a productivity coach.

And they're KILLING IT. I'm talking bringing in all the $$$s.

They're doing the work - they're not talking about doing the work. They're not after impressions. They're not interested in views. They are WORKING.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, I know that the most qualified people have helped me. Not the loudest or the most popular. It's the ones who are working, learning, growing, researching.

If you're looking to be better at something, to grow, to expand, to improve, to go deeper, to sell more, to be excellent at something - look around you. Who are the people who are actually DOING the work? Who are the ones making a difference? Who is off the socials and on the actual client work? THOSE are the people you want in your world.

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Here's how I do it in my own world:

When I audition for a show, I know that I will be auditioning against hundreds and hundreds of people. Before I'm even seen to audition for a show, a thumb nail of my photograph (headshot) is sent to the casting director of the show I'm auditioning for.

I am one of thousands. When my headshot was submitted for Come From Away, for example, I was one of 12,000 women submitted.

Those headshots are whittled down to a few hundred - and if you're lucky, you're one of the ones asked to audition to come in.

When my agent calls me and says I've been selected to go in and audition, there is one thing and one thing only that I do - I call my vocal coach. His name is Kurt. He is my secret weapon for my auditions.

He prepares me.

He gets me ready.

He challenges me.

We work through the song that I'll be singing - in minute detail. Beginning to end.

Every time Kurt has prepped me for an audition, I've got the job.

Every time I've not been to Kurt for my prep, I have not got the job.

Kurt isn't someone who just talks about what he does - Kurt is a West End performer who is onstage every night, DOING THE WORK.

He doesn't just post about what he does in Facebook groups and Instagram and LinkedIn - he is DOING it. Every day.

So. Here's my challenge to you: if you are looking to get better at something, improve on something...you need to do two things:

  1. You need to find someone who can help you, coach you, train you, get you ready (doing it alone isn't an option)
  2. You need to find someone who is ACTUALLY doing the work. On the daily. All the time. Not someone who is on LinkedIn talking about the work, or talking about drama, or talking about LinkedIn. You need to find someone who ISN'T on LinkedIn all the time - because if they're on LinkedIn all the time, they are not working. You feeling me?

I'd love to know your thoughts...

Ash.

PS I'm hosting a FREE in-person networking coffee and chat on Saturday, 23 August.

10am-11.30am

Wallington Library Cafe, SM6 0HY

Cash only for your coffee

It would be wonderful to have you there.

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Behind the Curtain

Whaddup. I'm a performer (currently in Fawlty Towers in the West End). AND I run a business. Because art and commerce can exist together. Quite successfully, in fact. If you're an audience-facing professional, and you want the tips, tricks and techniques used by theatre performers all over the world, then this is the place for you. This is where you get confident, you get charisma, and you start owning the room in a whole new way. This is Showing Up 2.0. It's a vibe.

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