I hosted a confidence workshop online recently.

And I was nervous.

I always am when I have to host training sessions online.

The nerves don't make me break out in a sweat. My voice doesn't shake. I don't get butterflies in my stomach.

Instead, I get a deep sense of dread.

It usually starts the day before the workshop.

After lunch, the DREAD starts rearing its head.

This is typically how it develops over 24 hours:

'Urgh, I don't feel good. Urgh, why don't I feel good? Urgh, I don't want to do this thing tomorrow. Urgh, why did I say yes? Urgh, I don't want to go to sleep because I know when I wake up I'm going to have to do this workshop.'

Then I wake up. And it continues:

'Urgh, this thing is in five hours. Urgh, maybe I could cancel. Urgh, maybe everyone will cancel.'

And so it goes...over and over again.

This feeling of dread is caused by my fear of rejection. Whenever I host a training session, I am afraid that everyone I'm training will think I'm shit at what I do. They'll think that what I have to offer isn't valuable. And that, ultimately, makes me feel like I am not worthy of training these people at all.

And, yet, as I get into the session...calm. Clarity. Fun. Enjoyment. I have the BEST time.

This is my nerve pattern.

I have it when I do shows as well.

I'll rehearse a show with the rest of the cast every single day for five weeks, eight hours a day. I will know the work inside out.

And during the day of opening night, these will be my thoughts:

'I can't do this.'

'Why am I doing this?'

'What have I done with my life?'

'I want to run away - there is absolutely no way I can do this.'

And then I go out and do it. And? Calm. Clarity. Fun. Enjoyment. I have the BEST time.

This is how fear of rejection manifests in me.

It doesn't matter how many audiences I perform in front of. It doesn't matter that I've been on stages in eight different countries or that I've been on stages for 25 years.

It doesn't matter that I am trained to be in front of an audience.

The fear of rejection rears its head, the dread sets in, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I have to accept it. I have to sit with the discomfort of it. And then, when I get onto zoom, and I start the session, I will always say,

'Hi everyone, I'm Ashleigh. I'm really nervous.'

And every single participant will smile.

Every single one.

Without fail.

They smile because they see my humanness. They see my vulnerability. They recognise it in themselves. And that creates a connection between me and them. I'm no longer a workshop host. I'm a person, just like them. And like them, I get scared.

And then the workshop starts and everyone is more relaxed and it's a success. Because I've shown my humanness, they feel more comfortable to show theirs. They participate more. They're more willing to show up. They don't mind if they fail.

It's kind of thrilling to watch.

And I find that the more mistakes I make, and the more I show myself to not know everything, the more relaxed they become. And the more we all get out of the experience.

So, here's my presentation/speaking/audience facing tip for the day:

Show up vulnerable. Admit to the fear. Watch as the people around you respond with kindness, and interest, and connection.

And then own the room like a badass.

Ash.

PS Want a REAL networking event? No fees. No speakers. Just coffee and a water fountain in a library cafe garden? And some business cards passed around so we can ACTUALLY make work happen?

Wallington Library Garden Cafe, SM6 0HY

Saturday, 23 August

10am-11.30am

BRING CASH ONLY (for your coffee, they only take cash, the clever clogses)